Friday, June 25
i learnt something. i'm in deep shit over the exams. and oh i learnt something else. i can't worry myself about it. now that's worrying! hmm the song save the best for last is superrr nice. 'sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see'. well.. i know what i'm looking for, and i'm looking at it already. =D except.. i feel like an utter failure right now. i can't do it. i can't. but.. i guess i have to tell myself i can. okay. i can. what the hell. i really can't. bahhh. *head hits table*
it must've been love.
12:02 pm
xoxo
Tuesday, June 22
i can't wait for tmr!! to see all of you again!! 4 years flew past, just like that, and suddenly we're sweet sixteen.. and still feeling no older than twelve. but oh qing's grown. maybe the rest of you haven't seen her, but she has. pretty now!! i bet all of you are pretty!! my best friends.. all beaaauutiful inside, where it matters. =D
i know maybe we won't meet ever again in school.. maybe not jc.. maybe not u.. but inside we never left, huh? all through sec school i wrote poems for y'all. maybe some i didn't let you see. but i will, somehow, someday, when the time's right.
tmr.. we'll see each other again!! got so much to tell you.. too much to tell it this way. i've got to tell y'all face to face. can't wait!!! wheee!!!!! *huggies*
it must've been love.
10:15 pm
xoxo
Monday, June 21
Do you remember once crouching over a smoldering fire,
desperately blowing? Two short puffs, one long puff.
Do you remember the pear party we had that night,
flashing patterns on the tent walls with our torches?
Do you remember insisting we be stationed together,
practicing our smiles in between awaiting instructions?
We spent hours carefully tying our scarves –
it was a novelty to braid my hair before we reported.
Do you remember bending over tea lights on the stairs,
bravely struggling to light and relight them as the wind
tore the flames from the wicks, and our song with them.
Do you remember? It was ‘when you believe’. And I still do.
Do you remember how we stood shoulder to shoulder
along the darkened staircase, bowing as the guests
swept past us gracefully, little knowing that the hot wax
from the tea lights spilled onto our gloves, drying in patches.
Do you remember how we shoved our sleeping bags together?
We’ve camped side by side for years. Four years.
We were telepathic – or so we thought. I neglected to
bring toothpaste – I thought you would. So did you.
Do you remember wandering downtown every week,
blatantly breaking every known rule. We were carefree.
The matching anklets we hid under our school socks.
Linking arms in public. People stared. We knew differently.
Do you remember the practices we had before promotion?
The way we marched behind the guide room, arm in arm,
Holding the treasures between us. We made them laugh.
Do you remember our item? We could pole dance, or so we said.
Do you remember when we were promoted, together?
How we clung to each other, as if we would shatter into pieces.
The way we beamed at each other, pearly white stripes
shimmering against the blue on our shoulders conspicuously.
Do you remember the camp we organized as PLs?
It was a success. It confirmed our suspicions –
the PLC 03-04 can work miracles, simply because
we believe. Do you remember how we cheered that night?
Do you remember dancing? When you danced
at the stadium, while I took the award, trembling.
When we both danced during practices for ae.
You’ve always made fun of my dancing, all these years.
Do you remember preparing for our campfire?
It must have aged us by a few years each.
All we ever believed in and hoped for,
poured into that one night. Those few hours.
Do you remember, do you remember?
‘ I’ll go to heaven and wait for you. I’ll give the angels
back their wings, and risk the loss of everything.. ‘
tomorrow we’ll be guards-of-honour. Once more.
Will you remember?
[love ya all the way to the moon and back -- for ling. written 9th may. that guard-of-honour duty i'll never forget. it tore us all apart.]
it must've been love.
11:55 am
xoxo
whee! i'm back. hahahahah. by accident. oh well. erh let's see... nothing much going on only very weird dreams. where people who shouldn't be there appear. not that i mind. but hey ask permission before you enter my dreamworld and make yourself comfortable! drinking tea and eating cupcakes no less! tskk. then again if you ask permission after reading this i swear i'll faint. my dreamworld's my own! mine, mine, mine, mine. i sound like the seagulls from finding nemo. great. mine. mine. mine. mine. now i sound like scrooge. mineee. don't come in! *slams gate shut* then again that was a very fun tea party. *opens gate a little* but if i wake up with panda eyes again.. it'll be all your fault. yours! as usual. keeping my mind active arguing with you. whacking you on the head with my file. takes energy you know. but if you don't fight it's not fun. aiyah. i shall shut down my dreamworld. there are exams to take.
we wrapped up filming on sat. and i still haven't edited the video. it's much harder than editing music. but aiyahhh there isn't much of a choice so i'll just have to shut up and get it done myself. so my personal credits list reads thus: director. camerawoman. friend1. clothes supplier. shoes supplier. and editor. i think i'm going to faint. maybe this is why my hwk and exam prep are in such shittt.
and oh i'm going on a diet. remind me. after i finish my dumpling for lunch anyway. shall hunt down my sister's fuji apples. hehh.
it must've been love.
11:33 am
xoxo
Sunday, June 6
vampires. funny i've been dreaming of them recently. it can't be nightworld - that was ages ago. but my dreams are like this mixture of all the nightworld books i ever read, plus my imagination. there was that time i dreamt i was a vampire in disguise - i creeped myself out. red eyes, long swirling black hair (this part is like keller. but she's a shapeshifter. oh gosh.) and fangs. anger. a lot of anger. like this black cloud around me. attacking, killing, fleeing. running down steep stairs, swinging myself around the pillars the way i do when i'm happy, and sliding down banisters. oh gosh. so real, yet at the back of my mind i kept thinking this isn't real. this is nightworld. i'm in nightworld. i'm trapped in nightworld. in my own imagination. i dreamt i was cornered by some arch enemy - no my dears it was not my soulmate. i don't believe in forbidden love anymore, okay? bahh. - and we were doing some really strange stick fighting. oh it was a lot more elegant than that, really. i don't know how even in a dream i came up with all those complicated moves with that stupid wooden stick.like what the hell am i doing with a
wooden stick i'm a damned vampire, i'm not about to kill myself with my own stick. maybe my brain doesn't work too well at 3am. anyway. i spent half the dream twirling the stick above my head, around my head, around the arch enemy's head, and finally cornering her. she wasn't a vampire so i don't know why i thought a wooden stick could kill her. but she carried one too, for obvious reasons. really, if i dream tonight, i'll force myself to carry a metal poison-tipped stick at the very least. not. wood. goodness. maybe tonight i'll be a shapeshifter! graceful. i'll be a panther. black, smooth, and dangerous. very keller. or i could be half vampire half human - untouchable by both. then i can carry the wooden stick safely. like jez. this is madness. that dream nearly gave me hyperventilation and here i am planning another. scarly tomorrow i can't go to school and take my oral exam.. i will faint and scream and die.
but i'm venera. the jewel of the sky. someday.. when i'm up to it.. i'll rewrite the people of the planets.. please larh when i first wrote it i was only thirteen. after this... maybe... well. we'll see. maybe. just maybe. burn, little candle, burn. burn yourself to the ground. we are all cut from the same wick.
it must've been love.
8:56 pm
xoxo
Saturday, June 5
here. it's a whirlwind life. every moment, every breath - it's gone, just like that. beauty's fleeting too. funny how now the years have passed, and i think back to how i used to be such an incurable romantic, and i realise - i've been cured. romance is for the weak. the rest of us, we have better things to do. goals to achieve, perfection to obtain. romance - that's for the storytellers, for the songs. not for those who want to live - not exist. live! wahhahaha. seize the day. girls rock. the people of the planets live on. although they have changed. but. they live. i've revived them.
it must've been love.
6:19 pm
xoxo
Wednesday, June 2
I used to read myself to sleep,
Hiding under the covers with my fairytales,
Enchanted by the stories of courage and – love.
The beautiful princess always magically rescued
By her handsome prince, white horse and all.
I used to believe in fairytales,
That all ‘happily-ever-after’ took
Was one kiss by your Prince Charming,
And that glass slippers never broke.
Beauty seemed to equate goodness.
But I’ve grown up now, I know better.
I can’t be Cinderella, waiting for the ball.
Fairy godmothers have better things to do.
My glass slippers would crack with a single step,
And my pumpkin coach would leave stains on my gown.
I don’t believe in fairytales anymore –
I won’t be Ariel, falling in love with a pretty-boy
Who only knows and loves her voice.
I won’t trade my fins and the power of speech
For mere legs and a painful façade.
There’s no such thing as love at first sight.
If I were Snow White, I’d slap ‘my’ Prince
For daring to kiss me while I was asleep.
I’d steal his horse and kill my evil stepmother myself,
Then ride into the golden sunset. Alone.
I don’t believe in fairytales.
My pot of waiting, hidden gold is empty.
I’ve climbed over the rainbow for naught.
I can slay my own dragons, I just need a sword.
And I can be a princess, without marrying a prince.
it must've been love.
6:45 pm
xoxo
